Q. How did the programmer die in the shower?
A. He read the shampoo bottle instructions: Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None – It’s a hardware problem.
What’s the difference between drug dealers and computer programmers?
|Drug Dealers||Computer Programmers|
|Refer to their clients as “users”.||Refer to their clients as “users”.|
|“The first one’s free!”||“Download a free trial version…”|
|Have important South-East Asian connections (to help move the stuff).||Have important South-East Asian connections (to help debug the code).|
|Strange jargon: “Stick,” “Rock,” “Dime bag,” “E”.||Strange jargon: “SCSI,” “RTFM,” “Java,” “ISDN”.|
|Realize that there’s tons of cash in the 14- to 25-year-old market.||Realize that there’s tons of cash in the 14- to 25-year-old market.|
|Job is assisted by the industry’s producing newer, more potent mixes.||Job is assisted by industry’s producing newer, faster machines.|
|Often seen in the company of pimps and hustlers.||Often seen in the company of marketing people and venture capitalists.|
|Their product causes unhealthy addictions.||DOOM. Quake. SimCity. Farmville. Facebook. etc... |
|Do your job well, and you can sleep with sexy movie stars who depend on you.||Damn! Damn! DAMN!!!|
One of my favorites, while not specifically about computer scientists is told and written in various levels of sexuality and innuendo. Here is a fairly clean version:
A man and a woman are at opposite ends of a basketball court. Every 5 seconds, they walk HALF the remaining distance towards the half court line. A scientist says, "They will never meet, it is useless"; an engineer says "Pretty soon, they'll be close enough for all practical purposes".
Maybe this has some deeper connotations. We may never meet a specific goal or complete a project exactly as desired or designed. However we just may get close enough for all practical purposes.