Thursday, July 29, 2010

Dating Site Humor

As I sit here eating lunch, wishing it were cooler outside, leafing through my e-mail, a friend mentions an internet dating site. Thoughts of updating my profile and maybe checking things out come to mind. But then, as is typical, my mind turns to humor.

So, here are some definitions and comments on the possible true meanings of the things some date-seekers post. Hope you get at the minimum, a few chuckles out of this. No disrespect meant to anyone, especially those who drive VWs.

Humourous Dating Site Definitions Explained!
  • Retired ~~ Has not been able to hold a job for the last decade.
  • Well Off ~~ Average bank account is $100.
  • Owns his own place ~~ Lives out of his VW Microbus.
  • Enjoys traveling ~~ See above item.
  • Multilingual ~~ Can swear in Spanish, Italian and French.
  • Takes care of his parents ~~ Has lived in their basement for the last 25 years.
  • Likes walking on the beach ~~ ...looking for lost change.
  • Enjoys the outdoors ~~ The VW Microbus needs to be fumigated once a year.
  • Full head of hair ~~ Beware the dreaded comb-over.
  • Easy going ~~ Enjoys a LOT of herbal supplements.
  • Enjoys growing things ~~See above item.
  • Athletic ~~ Jumps to conclusions on a daily basis.
  • Likes loud music ~~ Volume button is broken on the radio.
  • Enjoys quiet evenings by a fireplace ~~ The VW Microbus gets cramped once in a while.
  • Studied Pharmacology ~~ Currently or previously a drug mule.
  • Frugal ~~ Water is free, right?
  • Doesn't watch TV ~~ Either cannot afford cable or satellite service, or does not know how to operate a remote.
  • Enjoys technology ~~ Uses an iPhone or Droid to text friends and post on FacecBook about 50% of the time while on dates.
  • Enjoys reading ~~ While Calvin and Hobbes can be greatly entertaining, it is not literature.
  • Old fashion ~~ Doesn't believe in brushing teeth and showers once a week.
  • Rides bicycles ~~ Necessary when the VW Microbus breaks down.
  • Enjoys a drink now and then ~~ Has a separate refrigerator for the beer and box wine.
  • Well dressed ~~ Could mean many things. When combined with 'Frugal', this indicates a lot of ill-fitting t-shirts that have faded pictures of nearly naked ladies. When combined with 'Old fashioned', this indicates they wear the same clothes they did in high school.
  • Enjoys pets ~~ Free-range ants, cockroaches and a bees nest do not constitute 'pets.'
  • Likes weight training ~~ 12 ounce curls.
  • Enjoys running ~~ Especially after the police discover he is 'Easy going.'
  • Extravagant ~~ Spends all their money and overextends their credit on crap no one needs and they will use once, if that.
  • Has a large investment portfolio ~~ His drinking buddies bought him two shares of harley Davidson stock when he turned 40.
OK, I need to get back to work. Can anyone add to this list???

1 comment:

mq01 said...

AHHHH, suddenly it all makes sense ;)