Monday, November 27, 2006

Clarity of mind means clarity of passion, too; this is why a great and clear mind loves ardently and sees distinctly what it loves.
Blaise Pascal

“You are my soul-mate;” “I will always love you;” “My love for you is unconditional;” “You complete me;” “I will give you the moon and the stars;” “True Love Forever;” “True Love Always;” “You are my life;” “We are joined together forever in love;” “Our souls are now one;” “I will never love another;” “You are my shining star in the swirling tempest of life;” “I cannot live without you;” “Your love defines me;” “I am nothing without you;” “You are my everything;” “Together Forever”; “I will be your knight in shining armor”

These are all euphemisms and phrases that more than likely, everyone has used from time to time. Young lovers, carving their initials with TLF or TLA in the park bench. Love notes passed in class, terminated with one of these brief statements of over-infatuation. Older, more experienced humans should know better.

Being the mutterer of many of these phrases, whether in the throes of passion or in the grip of some unseen force, I feel the right to state this: These phrases and those like them are pure and utter bull shit. They are phrases that either intend to initiate sexual conduct or just outright pronounce one's co-dependence.

Ayn Rand once wrote, “To say "I love you" one must first be able to say the "I."” This brings the emotion of love to a more objective level. Saying “I” and knowing what it means; it's complexity; its desires and needs; its path. Saying, and understanding the “I” is no small task. Saying the “I” requires an insight into one's self; one's being; one's soul, so to speak. It is a lifetime journey to understand “I”.

To extrapolate on this, one must also know how to say “you.” This is also no minor matter. Knowing “you” is such a complex matter that few actually view the summit of knowing “you.” Knowing this word; this other person; requires a lifetime for an attempt to even be made.
How, then, given Ms Rand's statement, can love ever be achieved? It is a trick of light and varying shadow. Perfection of loving another and admitting that love and reciprocating that love lies somewhere in the shadow of light and dark. Both must be comfortable with the lighting scheme and understand that shadows change with the movement of the participants and seasons. There will be days of clouds and rain and sun and snow. Given her statement, love can be given and reciprocated only within the context of two agreeable partners, individually and collectively. It is not black and white but an agreeable shade of gray.

Far too often I hear or read phrases like, “I will give you the moon and stars,” “I would give my life for you,” “I will give you everything you ever wanted,” and “I will write your name in the stars.” Please! How can one reasonably give or do something that is not only improbable, but impossible? And how can a being reasonably accept these statements? Oh, it sounds SO romantic, though, doesn't it?

Imagine, two young lovers lying together on a quiet beach. Waves in the distance, crashing against the soft sandy shore. Only two hearts rapidly beating. All alone, with the dark starry sky above as their blanket, he turns to her and whispers in her ear, “Stay with me forever and I will write your name in the stars; the sky and the ocean will be yours.” Perhaps this works well for romance novels and movies but in real life, this is for the most part, emotionally expressive fluff.

The promise to give something that cannot be given is simply baffling. Why would one say this? Why would one promise to give or do something for someone that is impossible? Further, why do people, thinking people, accept these false promises? I have done both and still wonder why.

What can anyone give and what should anyone expect to receive? One can easily answer this question with “Love” or “Respect” or even “Honor.” But there is an even more encompassing, empowering, albeit more subjective and individual answer. That answer is “me”. That is what I have to offer, “me.” And all I expect is “you.” This encompasses everything good, bad and in between: love; respect; honor; procrastination; emotional baggage; distaste for disco and rap music; etc...

Take it or leave it, and that is fine... I can only promise me.

1 comment:

ilish said...

Wayne Dire wrote a whole bit about these sayings...or they are really disco-functional lyrics. * i am the sunshine of my own life, thats why i will always be around*( sorry Stevie) the real lyrics hand over ones personal suggests that without the apple of your eye you are not worth as much in front of your own self.Thats pretty sad, not to mention completely out of your own hands.