November 4, 2006
T-Minus 2 days! (yes, I am leaving on Monday, not Tuesday)
A person who does not attempt to evaluate all possibilities is a fool.
At times I evaluate me need, my desire to proceed with this trip. Over and over again, I remember something I heard from a CSI episode. Grissom, a middle aged, intelligent, single guy, seems to be attracted to a rather mysterious, attractive, intelligent woman. Oddly enough, this woman is also a “madam” of an S&M club. This attraction is mutual and expressed in rather intelligent ways; not simplistic or raw. I don't think they even kiss.
Captain Brass, another character on the show, tells Grissom to “Get a sports car. It will be cheaper.”
Is what I am experiencing a midlife crisis of sorts? Is this need to hit the road for a week, an expression of my mid-life angst? Is this just an escapist ploy to avoid the real world that seems to be infinitely confusing and troublesome? Is it a way to exercise and advertise my independence as a person? Am I trying to prove something to myself or to others? Is this an action by me, to in some way, punish those who have incidentally or purposefully injured me? Am I covertly exercising some level of retribution? Am I expecting more or less from this journey? Or, is this a path toward discovering myself?
Many people have stated that I am not have a crisis... That I am instead, discovering ME again. That I am remaking ME version 2.0 As I look at things, I tend to believe them.
I like to think I am not the type of person to over evaluate things but in this case, maybe that is exactly what I am doing. I am not doubting my need or desire for this trip and yes, short of someone being hospitalized, I am going.
There are some practical issues and loose-ends that must be settled before I leave. Those of you who know my situation will undoubtedly understand this is no trivial matter. I will not dwell on this topic but may touch on it periodically. It is, as I have stated to my friends before, a rather complex situation.
Thought for the moment...
My wife told me that if I were with another woman on this trip, that I shouldn't even think of kissing her ever again. So, does the converse hold true? And, what exactly is her definition of being with another woman? Dinner? Drinks? Skinny-dipping? Waving at one while on the road?