November 5, 2006
T-Minus 1 day!
I am a man who does not exist for others.
I have come to learn a great many things over the past several years. One of those things is this: As long as I please myself, there is a good chance I will please others. If I work only to please others, there is a great chance I will not please myself and a distinct probability I will not please the other person either.
I don't mean that I should be completely selfish to the point of disregarding others' needs or desires. I mean, focus on my desires, extending to others. Here are some examples:
Daughter's birthday – A) Work my tail off to giver what she wants. B) Give her the best of what I can give.
Work – A) Listen to everybody's suggestions and trying to make everybody happy. B) Listen to everybody's suggestions, evaluate all requirements and do the best I can.
Life – A) Listen to everybody and try to make them all happy and healthy and satisfied. B) Make myself happy and healthy and satisfied, then think of everyone else.
I think that selfishness, working within the proper altruistic context is synergistic. I work harder and live better for myself – My daughter reaps the immediate rewards and learns by example.
Intimate and sexual relationships pose an interesting juxtaposition of selfishness and altruism. Pure altruism, doing whatever the partner wants; whenever, can lead to the feeling of not being fulfilled or fully complete. Pure selfishness is nothing more that exercise; and emotionally damaging exercise at that. Somewhere in the middle of selfishness and altruism lies the 'Holy Grail' of an intimate relationship. It is up to each couple to discover where that lies; and it may change from day to day; week to week; month to month.